


Attachments

by starbounder



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, and oblivious as hell, but everything about this ship is cheesy and perfect tbh, kinda cheesy im so sorry, lots of finn angst, poe is smitten as hell, rey being a protective best friend, rey being adorable but whats new, rey being sassy af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 09:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbounder/pseuds/starbounder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I had been alone for so long. Even in the First Order, I was an outcast. Unable to conform with the others. And then came Rey. And you. And I allowed myself to get too close. Too attached to you," he explained with difficulty. </p><p>None of it made sense to Poe. Had the First Order really warped their perception of love so badly? Poe's chest hurt just thinking about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attachments

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize if any of this is inaccurate to the star wars universe, and if so please let me know for future reference!
> 
>  
> 
> my tumblr: http://ex-fn2187.tumblr.com  
>  

Finn shivered against the brush of the cold wind, Poe’s jacket appreciated but not much use against the chill. He reminded himself that he needed to get used to calling it his  _own_ jacket, but he still felt somewhat guilty wearing it. Especially being that he was the reason the back of it was practically  _singed off_ and all.

“-Finn! What in kriff are you doing?! It’s freezing out here!” Poe called out, interrupting Finn’s thoughts as he ran towards him from across the base. 

Finn’s fingers gripped the sides of the jacket to pull it around him tighter, though it had nothing to do with the cold. He managed to feign a smile. 

“Poe!” He shouted back a little feebly as he got closer. 

 It was 5’o clock in the morning, it was foggy and spitting cold rain, and Finn was alone outside. _How in the hell was he going to explain this?_

Poe clasped a hand on his shoulder, catching his breath. 

“What’re you doing, buddy?” He asked again now that he was close. 

“I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to stay in there anymore," he answered casually. It wasn’t technically a lie. 

Poe glanced at the hand he had laid on Finn’s shoulder distractedly. 

“You’re shivering,” he said, concern evident in his voice. 

Finn hadn’t even realized that he was. As he tried to form a response, Poe wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“What am I going to do with you?” Poe joked with a teasing smile, pulling him towards the shelter and warmth of the warehouse. 

_Get rid of me? Finally grow tired of me? Force me to go back to being the outcast I’ve always been when I start failing you?_

Finn swallowed and suddenly felt like there was lead lying at the pit of his stomach. He forced the thoughts away, forced them back until he could deal with them again alone. Poe frowned. 

“Are you alright, buddy?” He asked uncertainly, leaning forward to search his face for answers despite the weird position of his arm still being around him.  It made Finn nervous. Their faces were so close. 

“I mean, I  _was_ just out there freezing my butt off,” he joked, doing his best to ease his friend’s worries. Concealing your emotions was a matter of life or death in the First Order, but he found that without any threat on his life it was much more difficult. 

When Poe didn't smile back at him or his joke, Finn felt his stomach drop. When would he stop being such a nuisance? Or burdening people? 

He remembered two resistance members laughing together the previous night when they thought he couldn't hear. 

 _"That kid follows him around like a lost puppy,_ " they had joked, laughing good-naturedly. _"He's almost as bad as that little droid of his_." 

Finn had felt his cheeks burn, and he suddenly felt embarrassed and ashamed. Was Poe too nice to tell him to leave him alone? He hadn't meant to become so attached to Poe. The man had _named_ him for god's sake. And he was so understanding, so patient with him, and he would teach him anything he wanted to know.

But it wasn't that he wasn't capable of doing things. He would have been able to figure things out on his own, he was sure of it. But _years_  of loneliness and life without true companionship had made him desperate and starved for belonging. He just hadn't realized how pathetic he was being. 

“Honestly, I just wanted some air. It’s nice having all this, especially after being stifled inside ships for so long,” he made up quickly, gesturing to the forest of trees surrounding the base. 

 A steely resolve had enveloped within him. He refused to be a nuisance to anyone. If he wasn't productive and useful, how was he any help to the rebellion, or to Poe, or to _Rey_? He couldn't disappoint them. 

Luckily, Poe seemed to relax a bit, satisfied enough with the sincerity of the answer. 

“I don’t blame you, but maybe you could, you know, pick days that  _aren’t_  cold enough to freeze your ass off?” He joked, squeezing him by the arm that was still around him. Finn laughed easily. 

 “Actually, I think I should freeze more often, if it means you’ll come hang out with me,” he joked back.

“I wouldn’t miss a chance to be with you for anything,” Poe said, suddenly completely serious. 

 They had stopped and were now under the shelter of the warehouse that housed the fighter X-wing’s. And Finn stared at him, wide eyed. Poe's dark eyes were full of sincerity. His chest ached, and he couldn't help but want to reach out and intertwine their hands. 

 He coughed instead. 

 “You never said why you were awake,” He said hurriedly, anything to distract himself. 

 He was confused to see that Poe looked a little hurt, like he had been disappointed, but the look was gone within the span of a few seconds. He felt vaguely guilty.

“Lately I’ve been coming out here in the mornings to sit alone. It’s nice. Quiet. Completely opposite from every other aspect of my life,” he confessed, having stepped away from how close the two of them had been. “Didn’t realize how cold it was, though,” he added with a smirk in his direction. 

Finn nodded, not sure what to say to that. “Makes sense.” 

He honestly wished he could just be alone. Poe's presence made his chest ache and his stomach hollow. 

"Are you sure you're alright? You know you could have just stayed in the warehouse. Your jacket's all soaked now. Isn't much use in the cold," Poe remarked, meaning to sound light-hearted. 

 But it did it for Finn. He wanted to curse himself for the tears that betrayed him and gathered in his eyes. _Years_  of easily suppressing things like this and he couldn't do it now? _Curse everything_. 

 He turned away like he had been stung, refusing to let Poe see his face. 

 "Sorry about your jacket," he managed, sounding steely and tense. "I feel like you really shouldn't have given it to me." 

 Poe snapped forward and grabbed at his shoulder worriedly.

 " _Finn_?" 

 "Look, I should go back to bed. I don't want to keep you or anything," he said forcefully, beginning to turn to leave and avoiding his eye. 

"Finn, it's five in the morning! What in the hell would you be 'keeping me _'_ from? What's going on?" Poe demanded, trailing after him. 

Finn was a little shocked by how angry he felt all of a sudden. Why did Poe insist on keeping up this act? He wasn't a _kid_. He could handle if he was being too bothersome. He didn't need to be watched over. 

"Maybe I'm just trying to be polite. I can learn things on my own, you know," he snapped lowly, turning even as Poe tried to grasp at him. 

He didn't think he could bear to see Poe's face as he stormed out. He wouldn't be able to stand it if he looked relieved to see him go. 

          

* * *

  

To his utter relief and misery, Poe had left him alone the past few days. Though it was what he had initially been going for, it made him feel like absolute _shit_. 

But that didn't stop him from smiling for Rey each time she would holo him with updates. 

"Finn!" She said brightly and smiling, enormously happy to see her best friend's face. 

He smiled back at her, the idea that she was safe and enjoying her jedi training (no matter how much she complained), bringing him temporary joy.

"Finn, I'm bringing you back one of these, you _have_ to taste them. Luke has a ton of them stockpiled or something," she said as she eagerly chewed the strange brown rectangular thing known as ' _chocolate'._

 _"_ Yeah, they have those around here. They looked weird though. I didn't trust them," he admitted as he eyed the food curiously. 

She laughed easily. 

" _What_! You're telling me you have tons of these back there and you haven't tried  _one_?" 

He couldn't help but laugh at her adorable antics. 

"Well that's fine, because that means I don't have to save you any. I'm eating them _all_ ," she said with finality. 

"And you don't think Luke will mind?" He asked teasingly, with a raise of an eyebrow. 

"He's not as strict as he'd like you to think, honestly," she said simply. "But enough about me. How are things? How's Poe?" 

He cursed himself for wincing. This was bound to happen, considering he hadn't been able to shut up about him for the past few weeks. 

"Well, I've been getting binary lessons," he announced, dodging both questions. 

"I'm sure BB-8 is pleased," she said smiling. 

"Not from Poe," he corrected a little bit too quickly.

 She looked at him strangely. "Who then?"  

The truth was, he had gone to ask General Organa who could help him, not sure where else to turn. He had been more than a little bit shocked when she had offered to teach him herself. _"I'd be honored_ ," she had said smiling. 

"General Organa. And the other resistance members have been really helpful to me too," he explained. _Too helpful_. He felt like he was wasting their time.  

"What do you mean? Poe hasn't been showing you around?" She asked, confused. 

"No! I mean, he _did_... things are just a little weird with us right now," he said nervously, fidgeting uncomfortably and avoiding her eyes. 

"He wouldn't want to talk to me right now. Or ever again, probably.... I messed up," he clarified, sounding utterly defeated.

It was silent for a moment on the other end. 

"Surely you couldn't have done anything _too_ awful," she pried softly. 

"It wasn't _just_ that.... I mean, it's better off this way anyway. He's probably glad I've stopped bothering him," he reasoned. 

"Oh, Finn. I'm sure he doesn't feel that way," she said earnestly, doing her best to comfort him despite the fact that she knew you couldn't exactly hold someone's hand or hug them over a holocom. 

Finn shrugged doubtfully. 

"Well, clearly Leia likes you," she said with a smile, trying to lift his spirits.  

"Yeah, and she talks to me about a lot of other things too. I don't mind discussing First Order things with her," he admitted, smiling slightly. 

 Rey smiled back. 

"Alright, well I'll comm you again soon, okay? Luke's whining because he needs to talk to Leia," she said, a mysterious glint in her eye. 

"Don't you dare involve me in your schemes," he thought he distinctly heard Luke murmur. 

"Rey, wait, what did he-" 

"Got to go! Sorry! Bye, Finn!" She said quickly, smiling widely. 

And then she was gone. 

Finn frowned. He wasn't sure what was going on, but it wasn't good. 

  

* * *

  

" _You said you would look out for him!"_ Re _y_ growled accusingly.

A 'Hello' would have been nice, at least. 

"Who? Finn?" Poe answered in confusion, completely taken off guard by her outburst. 

"Who _else_ would I be talking about?! Of course I'm talking about Finn!" She exclaimed in frustration. 

"He's doing fine, in fact I hear he's excellent in training," Poe explained, tone casual. 

Though things between them _weren't_ fine. He had clearly been too forward and made Finn uncomfortable. I mean, giving him his jacket, _really_? Finn just hadn't understood his implications until now, and he was angry with Poe. That was why he was allowing him his respective space. But she didn't need to know that. 

"If he's doing so great, then _why_ is he ready to cry anytime I mention you? He tries to change the subject anytime I ask about things," she said, crossing her arms in irritation. 

Poe paused, mouth gaping. _Shit_. 

"He's been crying?" Poe asked softly. 

"He's not just going to show when he's upset, you dimwit. What do you think they did to them when they showed weakness in the First Order?" She explained with an irritated sigh, though she seemed less angry now. 

Poe wasn't even sure what to say. He felt  _awful_. All the signs made sense now; they were there the whole time. Eating alone in his quarters, smiling far too widely for what was normal, avoiding and distancing himself from Poe. 

" _Shit,"_ Hemurmured guiltily, running a hand through his hair. 

"Yeah," Rey said shortly, eyebrow raised.  

"But do you know what's wrong with him?" Poe asked. 

"Don't ask me, ask him."

 Poe nodded. 

"I'll talk to him," he confirmed determinedly, meeting her eye. 

"You better," she teased with a small smile. 

 

* * *

 

It turned out to be a struggle to get Finn to talk to him the next day. 

"Look, bud, can we talk?" He asked after an attempt at inviting him to eat lunch with him.

Finn opened his mouth to surely offer some sort of excuse, but he looked up and noticed the steeliness of Poe's eyes. He withered a bit under their gaze, expecting the worst. 

"Uh, yeah. Sure," he answered quickly, shyly. 

Finn willed his heart to stop beating so thunderouslyas they made their way into a place by the trees, away from the others _._

"Is there a reason you've been avoiding me?"

He hadn't meant it to come out sounding so accusing, but he hadn't really realized just how hurt he was by all of this until now. Whatever Finn was struggling with, he should have known he could come to him.

Finn stared back, wide-eyed as he faltered with words.

"Uh- I've been really busy with training, I-" 

"Bullshit. You can't even meet my eye these days. What's going on, Finn?" Poe insisted. 

Finn full on stopped, pausing to think it through. Poe couldn't help himself, and he reached forward to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

"You know you can tell me anything. If there's something wrong, you could have just told me," he spoke gently, his warm brown eyes meeting Finn’s own.

"Why couldn't _you_ have just told _me_?" Finn countered, sighing in frustration.

Poe's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"Told you what?" 

"How burdensome I was being. I could have figured everything out on my own; but instead I made you show me around and spend all your time with me," he explained, looking away shamefully. 

"First off, you didn't _make_ me do anything. I wanted to,” Poe said, sounding honestly frustrated. 

"That's because you're _nice_ , Poe. You would have showed any poor new pathetic kid around. I just happened to be the one that stuck around and became too attached to you." 

"Attached to me?" Poe repeated, bewildered. 

Yet Finn continued as if he hadn't heard him. 

 "I had been alone for so long. Even in the First Order, I was an outcast. Unable to conform with the others. And then came Rey. And you. And I allowed myself to get too close. Too attached to you," he explained with difficulty. 

 None of it made sense to Poe. Had the First Order really warped their perception of love so badly? Poe's chest hurt just thinking about it. 

 " _Finn_... That's what you're _supposed_ to do! You're my friend. Of course you're going to be attached to me," Poe said earnestly, wanting to move close to him but deciding against it. 

 He _definitely_ couldn't take steps with him romantically now, even if he felt the same. If Finn didn't even know what friendship meant, he felt like he would be taking advantage of his lack of understanding. But that was okay. All he wanted was for Finn to be happy, and for Poe to be there for him. He could live with it. Maybe.

Finn finally looked at him. His eyes were shining with unshed tears and he reached forward and entangled his huge, strong hands with the tanned calloused hands of his. Poe’s breath seemed to stutter in his chest. 

"You were my first friend," he said with sincerity.

Poe smiled. "But certainly not the last," he assured him.  

"No, but..." Finn let go of his hands and glanced at his feet now, and Poe already missed the warmth of his hands and the gaze of his beautiful eyes. 

"You're special to me more than just because you were the first," he eventually concluded, looking up at him again with a grin. 

 _Gods help me_ , thought Poe as he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks.

"You're, uh, special to me too, buddy," he stuttered, hating the blush that betrayed him. 

But Finn smiled so hugely in response that you could practically feel the happiness radiating off of him, and suddenly he didn't care. His embarrassment be damned if it could make Finn smile like that again. 

"What'd ya say we go grab something to eat?" Poe asked, changing the subject not-so-smoothly. 

Finn stood up to go but before passing him, Poe suddenly felt the unexpected press of lips against his cheek. Warm and soft and endearingly innocent, yet burning him at the touch nonetheless.

"Sounds great," he agreed, smiling knowingly at Poe before turning to walk towards the base. 

 _Shit_. Was all Poe could think as he stared after him; unmoving and unable to compute. He suddenly felt like the teenager receiving his first kiss that he had been so many years ago. 

 _Shit_. If this was Finn’s idea of being friends, Poe was already screwed.


End file.
